


Notes to Locus

by ConfessionForAnotherTime



Series: Recordings [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 17:10:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4795541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConfessionForAnotherTime/pseuds/ConfessionForAnotherTime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First thing Locus does after leaving the tower is look for Felix to bury him. He didn't expect this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Notes to Locus

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for S13E19.

Locus cocked his head when he found it. It wasn’t in a spot he thought he would find it, but he opened it anyway. It was essentially addressed to him in the first place. He opened the oldest entry. There were so many of them that he didn’t think he would get time to read all of them so he went for the ones that seemed the most important first.

 

_Locus (or whatever you’re calling yourself these days),_

_Shit’s fucked right now but you know what, we’re going to make it through. I mean, We have each other afterall. So what’s the harm in having a little fun? You’re such a stickler sometimes that when I push you to do something more, it’s fun to watch you resist it like you’re fighting with yourself. Still, I know you like it. I know you like giving in to the chaos of me being here with you. Break yourself a little more Locus and we can have so much fun. Just come with me._

 

Locus stared in confusion at the entry, remembering the exact mission that Felix was talking about when he opened up the entry. This was like a diary. Why would Felix keep…? Nevermind. Didn’t matter. None of it did. Not like he would get an answer out of him for it anyway.

 

_Locus,_

_Okay so let me explain. I was drunk last night and you had a few as well. I don’t think I would have kissed you under normal circumstances, even if you’re attractive, but not too attractive, and I like you, as a partner. I just. I don’t think I would have done that normally. Does that sound convincing? Okay, now that I’m done lying to myself, fuck that shit. I need you. I do. I was using the alcohol as an excuse to kiss you and I had no plans for it to go beyond that. I hate that you made it clear you wanted to keep this shit professional, which is fucking stupid because I am a delight. You know that though. I just want to be the one sharing your bunk and having your back and goddammit what the fuck. Why can’t I be that for you?_

 

Locus came to the realization that Felix had actually cared about him after all these years. It didn’t matter anymore though. After all the yelling and how he had… no. Now was time to review these and look at all of the things that Felix couldn’t tell him to his face. Whether it was out of fear or something else, Locus wanted to know why Felix found it so important to keep an electronic diary with all these little notes to him. Why didn’t he send them? There were so many times when they had laid in bed together, both intimate and not, that he could have said something to indicate that he felt this way and yet...

 

_What in the shit. Locus you piece of shit why the hell did you take my last piece of cake. I am only putting this in here as a reminder to steal yours later. Fuck you cicada. I learned those are bugs like locusts which sounds like your name so I’m using it when you piss me off again. This would be where I stick my tongue out but this is a diary entry and that doesn’t translate well to text so I’m just going to write that I did--- you know what nevermind. Gimme cake asshole._

 

Locus held back the laugh when he read that one. It didn’t have a date like the other one did, nor did it start with his name like he had expected. He flipped to the next entry.

 

_Locus,_

_I wish I wasn’t stuck here in this shitty base. I know we agreed to take out these losers on this shitty planet for that old fart of a boss of ours, but sometimes I regret it because I’m not there with you. And don’t you get all ‘but Felix, I didn’t know you were the sentimental type’ on me. You know I care about your well being. You know I want you to be safe even if you could chew up a handful of nails and spit them at someone to kill them. I just miss being around you every day. You make me feel powerful and we’re a great team. I just want you here so I can feel even more like I could take on the world. Which is essentially what we’re doing, but you know what, it’s true._

 

Locus noticed the shift after the two of them had split up for the sake of ensuring that each side of the army in the conflict was losing something. He shook his head. This is where everything had started to go down hill too. Locus saw the numerous entries, still at odds as to why he was reading them… now.

 

_L,_

_I don’t get it. You’re all the way over there and I’m all the way over here. The longer I’m over here, the more I want to blow this fucking base up and come over with you to the Federal Army so that the two of us can just wipe the rest of these little shits out ourselves because they aren’t worth our fucking time. I want to go back to us. I want to get back on our ship and just get out of here with our money. I want to have you kill all your people… even if everything I’ve been told says that your soldiers are actually better than mine are, except for Kimball. She’s tough as nails and I fucking love it about her. If she wasn’t so driven for her own cause and idealistic, I would suggest she join us. She’s got that fighting spirit that even you would admire if you weren’t so frequently on the other end of her gun. Fuck it though. She won’t live to see the end of the war. It’s a shame._

 

He didn’t have time to get to know her now. Not with everything going on. The two armies had united against them, which was unfortunate in its own regard. Locus still found it amazing that he had someone to admire on the side of the New Republic. Maybe in a different time. Maybe if they had approached things differently. Maybe… There was no time for maybe now.

 

_L,_

_Dude, I know I fucking fucked up. The Reds and Blues that I was supposed to be watching got away from me. You know what. I’ll fucking fix that I will. I’ll find a way to make it up to you. I just… I wish I was actually able to send these to you. I wish you could actually know that I’m sorry and that I’m not being flippant for once… but you won’t because I’m just going to fix it for that grunt of approval. I’m going to kill all of them for you because you deserve to have the job done right and I want to fix my mistakes on this one. Locus, I’m sorry. Please let me into your bunk. It’s been a week at this point…_

 

Locus didn’t know what to say. Just knowing that Felix was that broken up over not being able to impress him? No, it was deeper than that. It had to be. Felix just didn’t go out of his way to impress people or make things up to them. Not in any way. So why would he write now that he was going to make it up to him? It didn’t make any sense. That wasn’t the Felix he knew. Besides, he had shut him out for other reasons… not because he fucked up. This is what he thought? Locus flipped to the next one.

 

_Locus,_

_What the fuck is up with your obsession with Washington? You single goal these days seems to be finding new and interesting ways to get him to notice you and it’s kinda pathetic. No, scratch that, it’s really pathetic. He’s a mess. You don’t need to concern yourself with the likes of him because frankly, you’re better than that washed up soldier who thinks that he’s better than the cause he’s been recruited for. Hell I don’t even think he wants to fight us. He just wants to sit in his base and not face the reality that keeps trying to slap him in the face. You’re at least upholding your responsibility. He’s not._

 

Was Felix jealous? Regardless, Agent Washington wasn’t an obsession, he thought. Agent Washington was a soldier… and. His shoulders slumped. He didn’t have anything else to add to the matter. Washington had been right. ‘Killing me isn’t going to make you feel better.’ It wouldn’t. Yet he had called to Felix for the sake of validating that yes, it would. That Washington dying by his hand would mean that he was the better soldier. That he had trained harder, worked harder, shot faster and at the end of the day, if the two of them went toe to toe again, he would win. He knew it. He had to. Locus clung to the ideal… the only thing he had left.

 

_L,_

_We have our own ship again and while I know you stayed with me last night because of your own thing, it was nice for us to be together again. I’m used to it being me and you against the world so it’s a lot easier when I still have that to cling to. But you know what, we’re going to go out and rock this shit so that we can go on to the next job because that’s what we do. Shit. You’re waking up…_

 

Locus sat there for a second. He remembered that morning because it was a little off from all of the other mornings where the two of them had reasoned to stay in the same bunk for the sake of safety. Felix had reiterated this more the longer their time on Chorus had gone on. Felix kept finding excuses to keep the two of them together after he had revealed himself. ‘You’ll need me at some point.’ No, that was never the case. Felix was usually the one that called for backup. Felix was the one that came to him. He had rarely needed help… well, until.

 

_Luca,_

_That fucking beam was a pile of fucking bullshit. True Warrior. Eat my fucking ass, you crusty piece of shit AI. I swear to you, the damn thing only showed us what was in that ‘beam’ to scare us away from taking the key because it thinks it’s better than we are. Stupid piece of shit ancient technology is just looking at what fucking scares us as a way of rattling us because it fucking hates us. Well you know what buddy? You can suck like 40 fucking dicks because I have no plans to play into your fucking bullshit okay? I am going to go get that sword and Locus is going to come with me and we are going to shut this damn planet down and collect our fucking pile of money. You aren’t a prophecy. You can’t show me a life without Locus to scare me. You can’t shake me this way. Fuck you._

 

Locus stared at the entry. Why hadn’t Felix told him? Why hadn’t he said anything. As Locus brushed his fingers over the display, he kept wondering. What would have happened if they had been able to actually say something to one another. He should have opened up more about the beam. He shouldn’t have left Felix to walk away… Fuck. He breathed in a shaky breath. He should have known. He should have and he didn’t because he was too blind to see it.

 

_Locus,_

_This is strictly professional, but that fucking Sharkbait motherfucker is not your goddamn partner. They has never been your partner. They will never be your partner. There are people that we work with and there is us. I am your partner. I am the one that is right by your side in the heat of battle because I’m the only one who had been there with you since the beginning. Me. Don’t even try to liken my loyalty to you to that piece of fish that we pulled out of the gutter when we should have spaced them. They’re good as fucking dead anyway. There’s no way that they can stand up to what Agent Carolina has to throw at them. They’re too rusty from wasting away in that cell, but you’ll see that when they’re gone and you don’t even need to consider calling them a partner at all. Don’t even begin to insult me with that. Just. Fucking don’t._

 

Locus looked down and away from the screen once he read the final words to the entry. He didn’t realize what Felix meant when he exploded at him like that. Now he understood. To Felix, partnership meant something more. It… no he didn’t understand because he had been more casual with his own meaning that he had missed Felix’s attachment to the word. He regretted using it. He regretted a lot of things at this point, and all the ways he did wrong by Felix when he was trying to hard to reach out to him was the one thing he wanted to do right… even if he couldn’t anymore. Locus flipped to the last entry, marked as a draft. It was shorter than most of the rest of them.

 

_Luca,_

_Even if you don’t deserve being called by your real name, Luca, how… could you? I fucking trusted you. I trusted you with my life, my soul and yet, you have a change of fucking heart? Why the shit couldn’t you have said something to me before we went up against those colorful fuckshits? Why couldn’t you have trusted me? Joined me? I trusted you Luca. I just wish you had trusted me too. Goddammit you’re so fucking stub_

 

The entry stopped midsentence. He checked the timestamp on it, finding it was marked as a draft right after life support went offline. Locus tossed down Felix’s helmet, put his head in his hands and cried.

 


End file.
